Growing Through the Silence

My Truth About There.com

When I joined There.com back in May, I wasn’t coming from a place of joy or stability. I had just lost my best friend in a violent accident linked to drugs and anger, and that shock stayed inside me. I came online looking for connection, distraction, maybe a bit of comfort. At first, I found it. My blog was active, people talked to me, I felt welcomed, and for a moment it felt like I had a place.

But life around me was chaotic. I live in an environment filled with aggression, instability, and substance use, while I’m someone who tries to stay calm and non‑violent. All that tension built up inside me, and without realizing it, it affected how I interacted online. I made mistakes expressing myself, especially with English. I relied on translation tools and AI, and sometimes my words came out wrong. Some people thought I was fluent, and when I struggled, they doubted me.

I also misunderstood the developer rules. I asked AI for help with designs, not knowing it didn’t understand copyright properly. That put me in trouble. I received messages telling me to delete things immediately, and it stressed me out. I didn’t understand why, especially after seeing other copyrighted items around. It made me feel singled out and confused.

Then my blog was removed from the official site. Some group pages became blocked for me, probably because certain admins blocked me personally. People who talked to me one day suddenly stopped the next. I kept asking myself: what did I say? What did I do? Who said something behind my back? I never got answers.

I’m not pretending I was perfect. I’ve been harsh at times, but I always apologized. Considering what I was living through, I think it’s understandable. I’m not rich, I don’t live in comfort, and I spent what little I had trying to create human connection in a virtual world that slowly closed its doors on me.

Some people assumed things about me — that I was a “douchebag,” someone chasing women, someone with bad intentions. But that’s not who I am. I’ve never even dared approach a woman in real life because I’m afraid of disrespecting someone, afraid of rejection, afraid of repeating the toxic relationships I grew up around. I’ve seen people say they love each other while hurting each other, and I never wanted to become like that.

I came to There.com because I was hurting, not because I wanted to hurt anyone. I tried to build connections with the tools I had, even when my real life was falling apart. And now I’m left wondering if I ever had a real chance here, or if I’m just imagining everything. Maybe I’m wrong to feel pushed aside. Maybe I’m not. I don’t know.

This isn’t a goodbye. It’s simply my truth — the full story of why I acted the way I did, why things went wrong, and why I feel the way I feel today. No names, no accusations. Just honesty.